Loneliness is a Choice

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with My victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

We all experience loneliness in some degree.  Throughout our lifetime we will be faced with situations that leave us  physically, emotionally, or spiritually alone.  Some of these situations are out of our control, while others are deliberate choices that we have made.  Whether we like it or not, loneliness will come knocking on our heart's door.  The decision to let it in and how long it will stay is up to us.  We choose to let loneliness in, and we choose to let it take up residence in our hearts.  This choice is a dangerous one, because once loneliness moves in it brings with it self-pity, bitterness, and depression.

There are ways we can keep our minds healthy and kick loneliness to the curb.  Just remember that loneliness is a mindset, and although it might take work, it is possible to live life alone without being lonely.

Avoiding Physical Loneliness

And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near. Hebrews 10:25

We can't control the behaviors of others, but we can control our reaction to those behaviors.  My husband often works away from home, and it is easy to get into the self-pitying, "poor me" mindset.  Maybe you're in a similar situation.  Perhaps you've experienced the death of a loved one or are an empty-nester.  Perhaps you have never been married and long for the closeness of a spouse.  Whatever our living situation and physical proximity to our loved ones, there are still appropriate, healthy physical connections we can make with people to prevent loneliness.

I've found it helpful to schedule things for myself to do.  Once they're on my calendar, I feel more obligated to attend and I am less likely to skip out and sit at home feeling sorry for myself.  As a natural introvert, it takes effort for me to attend social gatherings, but I have found that I need interaction with others in order to stay in a healthy zone and out of pity-party mode.

Avoiding Emotional Loneliness

Don't be concerned for your own good but for the good of others. 1 Corinthians 10:24

Have you ever felt lonely while surrounded by people?  That's emotional loneliness.  While physical loneliness can at times be out of our control, emotional loneliness is completely up to us. When we are emotionally lonely, we often adopt negative beliefs about ourselves and others.  We might think that no one really cares about our opinion, that we aren't as fun or as interesting as others, or that if people saw the "real" us they wouldn't accept us.  This negative self-talk and it needs to stop.  Negativity like this only hurts yourself and distances you from everyone in your life.

If you find yourself emotionally detached from people in your life, it might be easier to start with just one person.  Choose someone you trust and start to open up to them.  Once you are comfortable with that person, choose another.  It is hard work, but well worth the reward.  Once you've established a support system of people you trust it will be much easier to be emotionally vulnerable to others.

Avoiding Spiritual Loneliness

I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Matthew 28:20

God never leaves us.  If you are a born-again believer, you can rest assured that God is always with you.  If there are times when God seems distant or uncaring, trust me when I say that He hasn't gone anywhere.  Tell Him how you feel.  Read His Word.  Jorunal, pray, and cry out to Him.  He will hear you, even if it doesn't feel that way at the time.  

Proactive Steps to Avoid Loneliness

• Get involved in a local church
• Churches are a great way to connect with others who have similar ideas and priorities.  Most churches offer a variety of opportunities for involvement throughout the week.
• Get involved in a local non-profit
• Non-profits are always looking for volunteers.  Helping a cause that you feel strongly about will help you connect with others who have the same values and allow you to help give back to the community.
• Find a local support group
• If you struggle with something, chances are there is a support group for it!  Local churches, non-profits, or the community hospital are a good place to look for a support group that will meet your needs.
• Join a club
• Clubs just aren't for kids!  There are all kinds of clubs out there- book clubs, gardening clubs, craft clubs, outdoor clubs...  You think of it and there is probably one in existence!  
• Take a class
• Community classes are a great way to connect with others in a structured environment while learning a new skill or subject.
• Go online
• Although in-person interaction is the best, if it's not possible for you to physically attend functions or events, the internet is the next best thing.  There are all sorts of support groups and clubs online.  Be careful what information you share and who you share it with, because not everyone in this world is trustworthy.