In God's Hands
Surviving and Thriving in a Difficult Marriage
Part I of a multi-post series: Spiritual Union
“As the Scriptures say, ‘A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.” -Ephesians 5:31-32
Before two people are married, they are completely separate individuals. After they are married, they are bound into one. How this works truly is a mystery, however we know that it is the work of the Holy Spirit. These two individuals become husband and wife, bound to one another through the covenant promise they made to each other and to God the moment they said, “I do.”
This covenant promise is not one to be taken lightly. It requires self-sacrifice, loyalty, and life-long devotion to one another and to God. God designed marriage to copy the relationship between Christ and the church. Just as Christ does not abandon us when we are at our worst, neither are we to abandon our spouse.
“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of His body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to Himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of His body.” -Ephesians 5:22-30
Wouldn’t it be lovely if all marriages truly reflected this picture of Christ and His bride? If your marriage leaves you longing for mutual love and respect, you aren’t alone. The sad truth is that we live in a broken world full of sin and disappointment. Although I have seen marriages embody God’s design as a reflection of Christ and His bride (and it is a beautiful, beautiful thing to behold), I have also seen marriages that don’t even come close.
Just as Christ doesn’t give up on us, neither should we give up on our marriage. A marriage covenant is more than just a legal document. It is more than just a way to have fun in the bedroom without feeling guilty. It is a spiritual union that took place the day you said your wedding vows, and it is a bond that unites husband and wife in a way that can only be described as supernatural.
The Mystery of Cleaving
The phrase “leave and cleave” is often used when referring to marriage. This phrase comes from the King James Version of Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The interpretation of the word “cleave” in this passage is to be joined or glued together.
Once two people are married, they are spiritually joined together. They can’t be separated without damage occurring to both of them. Think of two pieces of wood that are “cleaved”, or glued together. Now think of ripping those two pieces of wood apart. It isn’t done easily, and it isn’t done neatly. Each piece of wood will be damaged in the process.
The same thing happens when a marriage comes to an end. Both spouses come away with damage, with pieces of themselves that have been ripped from their very soul. Even non-believers can sense the damage that is done to their souls when the union is broken. For believers, it can be even more painful. God designed marriage be a lasting covenant. When spouses divorce, it leaves a path of destruction in its wake.
No matter how hard a marriage might seem, or how tempting it might be to throw in the towel- don't let Satan fool you. The end of a marriage is something to avoid at all costs. The ripple effect of the turmoil and pain affects many, many people. Divorce makes things more difficult, not easier. The grass is definitely not greener on the other side, so don’t let yourself believe those lies.
Inward Reflections
1. Read Ephesians 5:21-33. What stands out to you in this passage? How was marriage designed to reflect the covenant between Christ and His church?
2. Does your marriage reflect the way Christ loves the church? Why or why not?
3. Read Genesis 2:18-25. What does it mean to “leave and cleave”?
4. Have you thought about giving up on your marriage? What lies has Satan tried to tempt you with? What biblical truths can you use to counter those lies?
Stay tuned for the next post titled "Holy Influence". Your beliefs may have more of an influence on your spouse than you think.
Recommended Reading
The "S" Word: Biblical Submission- Everything You Wished You'd Known Before Marriage
The "S" Word: Biblical Submission- When Sin Skews God's Design