In God's Hands
Surviving and Thriving in a Difficult MarriagePart II of a multi-post series: Holy Influence
“...Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.” - 1 Peter 3:1-2
“...If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children could not be holy, but now they are holy.” -1 Corinthians 7:12-14
If Jesus Christ lives in you and through you, others can’t help but notice His influence in your life, and your spouse is no exception. The closer your relationship is with Jesus and the more sensitive you are to the Holy Spirit, the greater your influence will be to others in your life.
If your desire is for your spouse to live a more holy life, the best place to start is with yourself. Holiness is an individual process. You can’t force your spouse into a deeper relationship with Jesus, but you can deepen your own relationship with Him. As you develop a closer relationship with Jesus, your words and behaviors will gradually change, which in turn changes how you interact with others.
I have heard countless testimonies about men and women who have chosen to focus on their own personal relationship with Christ instead of their floundering marriage or the spiritual weaknesses of their spouse. As their relationship with God deepened and they became more Christlike, their demeanor began to change. They began to speak from a place of love and grace, responding to their spouse instead of reacting. Their behaviors became more controlled and intentional, acting out of love instead of anger or frustration.
The power of the Holy Spirit is attractive, and when people witness this power first-hand in their spouse’s life, they begin to desire that same kind of relationship with Jesus. Eventually, the spouse might start changing their behaviors in turn. They might even actively pursue a closer relationship with Jesus for themselves.
This kind of change takes time- sometimes a lot of time. It requires a lot of patience and a lot of faith. Trust me, friend- your marriage and your relationship with Jesus is worth it. If your heart desires a change in your spouse, you must first focus on changing yourself.
The Power of the Holy Spirit
Most people underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit in their relationships. I never realized how powerful the Holy Spirit’s influence was on my spouse until we were no longer married. It was only after my divorce that I realized how true the verses in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 really are. When we are married to a spiritually immature or non-believer, our influence does make a difference.
Our relationship with Jesus does not save our family or our spouse, nor is it a replacement for their own relationship with Jesus. However, our influence can prompt them to live a less sinful life. The term “holy” often means “set apart”. I believe that is what Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians when he says that the believing spouse brings holiness to their marriage and their children. The influence of the believing spouse often causes their family to live a life that is “set apart” regardless of their own personal beliefs. Our presence does alter words and behavior. If you’re in a troubled relationship where you don’t think your values matter, I can tell you that they do. They matter to God, they matter to your family, and they matter to your spouse.
We have hope in the midst of troubles and trials in this life because of Jesus Christ. With Him, there is always hope. Similarly, with Him in our lives we can live with confidence that He has a purpose and a plan for us, and we bring glory and honor to God when we live in a way that is pleasing to Him. We never know how Jesus will choose to use our lives and our testimonies to have an influence on the lives and faith walks of others.
If you are struggling with a difficult marriage and feel as if you are the spiritually mature one in the relationship, take heart. There is hope. With Jesus nothing is impossible. Move your outward focus from that of your circumstances inward to your relationship with Jesus. Focus on Him. You might be surprised at what He can do in you and through you.
The Power of Prayer
Every married person should pray for their spouse daily. If you currently don’t pray for your spouse, I encourage you to start today. Pray for their relationship with Jesus, for godly influences to come into their life, for a moving of the Holy Spirit within their soul, and that God would open the door for honest and grace-filled conversation.
When you’re finished praying for your spouse, also pray for yourself. Pray for patience, for a soft heart, for grace, for wisdom, and for a godly influence in your own life. Pray for a deepening relationship with Jesus and the humility to allow Him to meet all your needs.
Prayer is how we communicate with God. I don’t know about you, but when my life gets difficult, I find myself on my knees more often than when it is easy. Pour your heart out to Him. Thank Him for what he has done for you, tell Him how you feel, what your heart’s desires are, and anything else on your heart.
Pray like your marriage depends on it- because it probably does.
Prayer for Our Marriages
Dear God,
I pray for those reading these words right now. We long for marriages that honor You, for relationships that are safe and peaceful and full of love.
Our hearts are breaking for our spouse. We fully acknowledge that we aren’t perfect. We are sinners saved by grace by no means of our own doing. We need your help. We realize that if we want our marriage to be more holy, it must start with us.
We realize that we can’t save our spouse, and we can’t force him/her to accept You as their Savior or to change their ways. All we can do is keep our eyes on You, focus on our relationship with You, and trust that You hold us in Your gracious hands.
Keep our hearts soft towards our spouse, ready to be receptive to attempts at reconciliation. May we be open and responsive to the Holy Spirit within our lives, even if it means putting You and others ahead of ourselves.
Send godly, Spirit-filled people into our lives that can help us walk this road, to be Jesus with skin on, offering Your love and support in tangible ways. Give them discernment, wisdom, and the courage to speak the truth in love. Help us to be humble and willing to listen to their words, knowing that it is good to seek advice from wise, godly counsel.
Give us patience. We are committed to our marriage and to our spouse, and we are ready and willing to wait as long as it takes. Your timing is perfect, and we trust in Your plan for our lives- including Your plan for our marriage.
Amen.
Inward Reflections
1. How would you rate your current relationship with Jesus? Are you satisfied with this relationship? If not, what one step can you take this week to make a change?
2. If I were to observe what you say and do for a day, would I be able to tell that you are a believer? Are there things you wouldn’t want me to see or hear? Explain.
3. What ways could your actions have an impact on your marriage? How could you change your words or behaviors to reflect a better image of Christ?
4. Read Matthew 15: 18-20. Holiness is more than controlling your thoughts and actions- it begins in the heart. Is your heart open to developing a deeper relationship with God? What sacrifices might you need to make for this to happen?
5. Write your own prayer to God, praying for your spouse, yourself, and your marriage.
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